


I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love (we are good people and we’ve suffered enough)

by imapartofallthativemet



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Soft Supercorp, season 5 fix it, the 100th fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25438765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imapartofallthativemet/pseuds/imapartofallthativemet
Summary: The 100th Balcony scene fix it.Kara actually gets to talk about her experiences with Mxy, and prays that (finally) she can get through to Lena.-or-Lena finally gets to feel the pain of everything in full.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 6
Kudos: 233





	I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love (we are good people and we’ve suffered enough)

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be real y'all, I wanted Katie to give us her everything when there was finally gonna be a minute where she gets to show a Lena who finally, finally unleashed all of the boxes and got to sob her brains out but alas!!! that's what Fix it Fics are for! (i mean, the fortress scene was insane I still can't get that screech when she said I killed my brother for you out of my head but!) this is more, someone actually gives her a hug after/during it. 
> 
> I have been nitpicking at this for months, mostly during season 5, but only recently have I been able to form like feeling how the scene would go, to being able to actually write it and I'll be real, I don't have a beta. (I, however, desperately could need one tbh) and this is my baby born. Please enjoy and leave a comment or a kudos if you feel so inclined!
> 
> As always, I wish whoever is reading this peace and rest during these times! and better days ahead soon!  
> \- Samwise

It felt cruel, Kara showing up unannounced to Lena’s apartment. She knows what the crest means now, the fortress, and the way the name sneers out of Lena's mouth a cruel reminder washing her cold. Kara was used to being seen as an alien, an ‘other’ when in the suit, but not the disdain directed at her when the person slinging the bigotry and resentment knows there’s a person underneath.

Especially someone who knew Kara as someone with good days and bad days and flaws and insecurities. Landing on the balcony, doing all of the regular motions felt canned and cheesy and wrong. Kara doesn’t know how to reconcile and morph the two and ultimately herself in the actions of the neatly divided lines she previously kept from Lena. There's no real room further for her to navigate them as Lena looks up from her kettle, hands encased in overlong sleeves, soft and warm.

It’s the glimpses of the Lena she once knew that put a heavy falter in Kara’s step, in her actions, in the way she had a speech prepared. She watches as Lena places down the tea bag on the saucer, watching how she pulls the front Kara is so sick of seeing. It pierces her heart every time to watch CEO battle Luthor activate when she had the privilege of seeing the young vulnerable woman behind it.

“Came to beg for forgiveness again, Supergirl.” Lena sneers. “I’m getting really sick of your crocodile tears.”

“No. Actually,” Kara replies, heart heavy, voice thick. Lena’s next step is in half animation, and Kara can see how even she does not know how to prepare for the incoming attack. “I, uh.”

How does one explain that a 5th-dimensional imp on a path for redemption just showed Kara her own Butterfly Effect? That she genuinely for a moment needed to ask. Would it have been better if we had never met? if the bond between them was never forged? She looks at the Lena in front of her, and if she hadn’t seen the absolute level of destruction laid waste to Lena's soul and body, she would wonder again. Did this friendship ruin her? Did Kara hurt her irreparably?

“I’ve had a crazy few weeks.” Kara starts and she can see the incredulous look, resentful and annoyed as Lena shrugs her shoulders and stands waiting.

“Don’t you have friends to talk to about that?” The implication that Lena does not, does not miss Kara. Why don’t you go and get the support and love you still have, is the implication that pulls Kara’s hope deep down like an anchor into the floor.

“I had a 5th-dimensional Imp named Mxy visit me.” Kara continues, hoping she’ll be allowed to get to the end of the point before she is kicked out, or shot at. “He offered me anything I wanted, a chance to go back and change anything.”

“So you’re going back to Krypton? It’d be nice if you never came here at all.” Lena rebottles brutally and in this minute Kara snaps. Her face squeezes as the anger in her boils to a point where she actively wishes she has her glasses on. She takes a second, waits as Lena smirks across the room, tapping her foot. She opens her mouth for another dig but Kara beats her to it, needing to just make it stop.

“I asked him to help me with you.” She forces out, and all sense of calm is gone. All sense of coming here to have an easy reconnection is gone. Lena’s eyes narrow.

“So you could what, go back, make it all better, lie to me for a lesser period of time? Never get Lex to tell me at all? Nip my kryptonite supply before it could be used against you?”

“Actually, do you wanna know what really happened? I told you. I told you at multiple different points. I was kind, I was caring, I did what I could to go to multiple different timelines and you know what happened at every time. You fled. You didn’t want to hear it.” Kara seethes. “The first time I tried, you fled to Metropolis and I died as a result of it.” She hears a breath catching and kara rushes, “and don’t you dare say good.”

The air shifts slightly, Kara gained the high ground somehow and Lena is now lost for words. They’re both stuck in suspended animation, unsure of where to go next, where to stand or to sit, if they’re still yelling. If they can come back from this disgusting horrid cruelty.

“The second time, I went to the stupid Kryptonite fight. I was wrong Lena, I was wrong. I was scared. It was a mistake that once it just… once it carried it felt like a burning runaway train and suddenly my fear of did I put my trust in the wrong person just burnt everything to the ground. But you know the funny part was, I told you, and you were so angry with me, you looked so vile.” Lena moves to the couch, her hands on her knees as she waits. “But we had to keep moving, and we did, and mon-el helped me, but in the last second, you were there. You brought the tech that helped. You looked me in the eyes and everything was going to be okay. But then,”

Kara’s eyes simmer with heat, “But then you died. Reign used heat vision on you, and you collapsed in my arms and I couldn’t even hold you up. We hit the ground and I held you until you died.” She looks down at her shaking arms as if she can still feel the coat's fabric on her fingers. The slick cold thick wetness of blood. She takes a moment, she can’t even look at Lena at this point.

“So I tried another point, I went all the way back to the stupid alien detection device. When you handed it to me without even understanding the ramifications of asking someone to out themselves via a thumbprint.” She can feel the shame radiate off of Lena, but she keeps powering through, she can’t, she has to speak. “But here’s the funny part, I told you from the beginning. I trusted you, I told you, and everything was great. You were perfect, went so far as to plead the fifth in court for me. Together, we did great things. But, then Lockwood kidnapped you and threatened to kill you unless I revealed my identity.”

“So what did you do?” Lena asks quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

“I did it,” Kara replies, shaking her head. “It’s my biggest fear, having those I love be hurt by this stupid role I’m asked to play. So I held a press conference, I revealed Kara Danvers to the world and I got you back safe and sound. But, then one by one, they killed everyone off. Cat Grant, Alex, J’onn, You. and I would be alone again.”

Lena feels suddenly violently ill. “Kara, I-.

“I know about the Pulitzer Prize gala,” Kara stops her. She doesn’t look at her. “I found out later what you were planning to do. I guess manipulating me felt like a crueler fate, but Alex is still alive so I guess I’ll take it.” there’s a heavy pause now, Lena can sense that Kara is moving towards the end of what she needs to say.

“So what did you try next?”

“I wondered if finally, it was better if I was just never in your life. If finally, that would lead to a path where you weren’t hurt.” Kara chuckles, “Which ironically was the darkest timeline. I never rescued you in the helicopter, and your mother plucked your injured body from the crash and carried you into Project Cadmus’ headquarters and _experimented_ on you.”

Then Lena can’t hold in her stomach. She reaches for the small trash can, unable to contain the distress that soured and burned the whole way up her throat. Kara waits, there’s one more thing she needs to explain about that timeline. But she couldn’t get the visual of a near-death incapacitated Lena being wheeled down the halls of Cadmus, begging her mother not to do this to her, her arms rattling against the handcuffs as Lillian shushes her. _It's for a better cause, Lena. You’ll finally have a use to the family. We’ll make you the greatest weapon possible against the supers._

_“_ I found you as a full-blown dictator, Catco converted to a fascist propaganda paper, and you had been made into Metallo. When I went to at least try to talk to you, you didn’t know who kara was. But, still, with tears in your eyes, you were angry with me for not saving you. For not saving you from your family, from your fate, from your choices. You were angry with me because your pain warped you so full of poison, you had to control everything and everyone just for it to stop. It didn’t look like it worked. You killed me, with the kryptonite in your chest, and you loved it.”

Lena stands up and moves away from the couch, away from Kara. When she understands the point Kara is making, all of the progress they had made in the short minutes was blown up like dynamite.

“So what I learned,” Kara stands and moves towards her, moving in front of her. “Is that there was never a right time, and you would have blamed me for your pain crashing down on you whether we were best friends or if we were strangers. You damned Kara Danvers, and You damned Supergirl. And now, you locked me in a cage with no idea of when I’d be free, with Kryptonite. You are actively trying to take over the world, using mind control, and I have to wonder where the hell is the woman I knew. Who once saw her brother on the same spiral, and pulled the alarm.”

“You will never understand!” Lena flings back, her arms instinctively jerking out to push Kara away. Kara moves quickly, knowing that the knock against her body could hurt Lena on impact. Frustrated, Lena begins to walk away and Kara follows suit.

“Where is the end to this Lena. When are you going to talk to me about whatever about this betrayal has done to you? I can’t make it better if I don’t know how.” She can see it, the way Lena’s shoulders are bucking, the way her hands can’t stay still. The way her chest is rapidly expanding and falling. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, I never wanted that. I used my one chance to change anything, including living a life on krypton, but I can’t see my life without our friendship. I can’t lose someone I love this much and know that you’re still out there and there’s a chance that there’s a way to make this right.”

“I don’t just want a friendship with you Kara, that’s the whole fucking point. I was in love with you. I trusted you deeper and loved you more than anyone I’ve ever known. And now I just feel humiliated. I thought with you, I'd finally be _safe._ That the pain would stop!" It’s then finally, that Lena can no longer run from the pain. Her arms brace the countertops, but she can barely hold herself up. The sobs come as bare and raw as she’s ever known them to be. Kara doesn’t think before she rushes over, gently wrapping her arms around Lena’s midsection and tugging her arms gently away from the counter. Once free, she guides Lena to the floor and holds her. Kara knows that this is a wound that needs the space to be felt and doesn’t ask anything of Lena except small asks of if she needs to count for her, or if she feels she’ll slip into a panic attack, but Lena shakes her head.

It’s moments before finally, Lena begins to explain finally how much it all hurts. Starting with her mother. Then the how horrifying it was to grow up not being able to trust anything or anyone. The only kindness being lex who grew darker and madder by the day. Kara wraps Lena in her arms and runs her hand down her hair repeatedly. She’s here she knows how this feels. Red kryptonite is a scar Kara reflects on daily.

Lena runs out of words to explain the ache and cries for a while. Kara takes the space to explain her actual journey. Not knowing she was saying goodbye to her mom until it was over. Lena nods. Understood. She tells Lena of the claustrophobia and the fear suspended. Landing here and being so angry. Feeling useless. Confused. Lost.

Kara explains the red k incident to Lena in full detail, offers the space for any questions she knew it was front-page news. Lena asks her if she regretted it. Acting on her pain in such an explosive way.

Kara nods. “I haven’t found complete peace from the time I couldn’t be stronger any longer. But you choose all of your next actions very carefully from now on. At the time of the infection, I was forced to fight my aunt, Astra. I didn’t even know she was alive until she showed up and was ready to take over the planet. But I kept trying to bring her back, have her go back to the aunt I knew. It was too late however, Alex was forced to kill her to save J’onn. J’onn claimed the kill to lessen the blow, I guess.”

“For days I tried to keep it together I was so angry and I was just learning to navigate unbearable searing anger at everyone and everything and I had just had someone try to simulate and trap me in a fantasy world, my aunt was murdered and I realized after all of it that my sister did it. I threw Miss Grant off the Catco balcony to prove a point. I know this shame. J’onn had to out himself to save me from killing Alex. I was forgiven immediately. Not by everyone but the ones who counted."

“There are times in this life where it will feel like you can not handle any more heartbreak. You will look at the path behind and wonder my god how much more can you take. Can’t you win just once?”

And Lena bursts into sobs again and Kara just wraps her arms more securely around her shaking frame, kissing the crown of her head. Lena will never be able to repeat it back to Kara but Kara knows it all the same. “I never gave up on you Lena I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you. I never wanted to. It was always honest. My love has always been true.”

Lena's chest flushes with the release of the sharp knife she’s been carrying since Lex. She will begin to rebuild when she gets up and she’ll have a lot to apologize for. Not all will understand. Kara takes her hand, strokes a thumb over the top of Lena's hand. “You mean more than I can explain. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Maybe this is just a stepping stone back, but I hope we can build something going forward.”

Lena nods, and the air in the night deflates. Neither of them can’t find the energy to move off of the floor, but Kara was able to scoop Lena into a bridal carry and levitate them enough to get Lena onto her feet. The shame in Lena’s eyes forces her to look anywhere but Kara’s, but Kara will be damned if this is how the night ends.

“We didn’t have romantic love. On Krypton. I still don’t know the lines between friendship love and romantic love, but I keep…. finding myself making choices, breaking lines I told myself I had to keep.”

“The plane.” Lena, and Kara nods.

“Like the Plane.” Kara takes Lena’s hands in hers, her own nativity leaving her idea of how to move forward a little blurry. “Like how when it was my identity or your safety, I didn’t think. I always choose you. I can’t see my life without you, but I would understand if everything is different now, I just want you to be safe. Even if there’s no longer a space for me in your life.”

Lena's tired eyes look up at Kara and shake her head. “It’s been a big night, and I’m not sure of anything right now. But I know for sure we can talk about this more and figure it out.”

Kara nods and looks towards the balcony. “Okay, I should get going. Are you going to be okay?”

Lena doesn’t bother answering and just pulls Kara into a hug. Her head tucked into Kara’s neck, they rocked gently. Kara burrows into the hug, her own head leaning down on Lena’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Lena leans her head and places a kiss on Kara’s cheek, “no, thank you for not giving up on me. I have a lot to apologize for and clean up. Starting with Lex.”

“You know I’ll help you.” Kara’s voice is thick and full and Lena can hear the strength of Supergirl. Backed by the heart of Kara Danvers, and she takes the inch of hope this evening has given her and gathers Kara’s face in her hands. She locks eyes with Kara who’s gaze goes from confused, to the light bulb going off in her brain, to finally pooling with a knowing rich love. Lena takes this, the language of Kara she knows so well and kisses her chastely.

They linger, mere millimeters apart when Kara’s head careens to the sounds of sirens and a trusted cellphone buzz tone that tells her that there is danger ahead. “I have to go.”

“I know,” Lena replies, their bodies untangling. “Be safe. Come back if you want to, after?”

Kara nods, beaming as she takes on the last look at the Lena finally, that she recognizes. Although there’s something more there. Something she looks forward to exploring. She holds the image in her head as she takes flight.


End file.
